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Paparazzi At Birth

15 May

As unborn baby boy was preparing to enter the world, God called him over to have a final talk.
“This is it; you have a big step ahead of you. You have many challenges coming, and I promise I will be with you throughout them,” God said, reaffirming His love for the unborn child.

“I know, God. We went through that in ‘How To Be Alive’ studies,” said unborn baby boy.

“Yes,” said God. “But there are some things that they didn’t tell you in those classes. For example, after the painful entry into the world,… ”

“Yes, they told us,” interrupted unborn baby boy, exposing his anxiousness and an irritation at God’s repeated warnings. “We would suddenly see bright lights, and some strange human would swat us on the behind until we cried. Got it. Rather intrusive, but not much to worry about.”

“Yes, but there is more, some things they didn’t tell you that come after that.”

Unborn baby boy was suddenly less certain in his progress. And he began to listen more attentively; after all this was God, who knows all, right.

“When you enter the world, you will find these other people who hover over you, constantly. From the moment you are born, they cling to you, they pull at you, they try to kiss you, and smoother you with attention. Those people will give you food and drink, offer free baths even when unneeded, defend you from even the smallest threat. Their intentions are good.” God paused, and took a deep breath.

“That sounds terrific. What’s wrong with that?”

“Well, you see,” said God, “these adorable people try their hardest to make the most of being around you. And that’s where you need to be prepared. They push their way past any others near you. They follow you everywhere – indoors, outdoors, kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom – the don’t respect any limits. They greedily take various things from you. They take everything from old clothes and shoes, to first hair trimmings and teeth. They will take constant photos, in any number of situations; playing, sleeping, eating, everywhere, even bathing. Some publish everything you do, including those photos.”

God sighed, and looked away from little baby boy. “It’s my fault. I intended to help My children begin in the new world, but I may have missed My intention.”

Unborn baby boy was taken aback by the crude and imposing description. “No! How could they? That is so intrusive.” After a brief pause, unborn baby boy asked, “Are they the ones… the ones, you know, that they called paparazzi?”

God replied hesitantly, “Yes, but they call themselves ‘Moms.’”

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Posted by on May 15, 2015 in Writing

 

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